Hmm...

It's finally happening.
I have waited for three years for it to happen. The opportunity to compete in international debating tournaments is finally given to me. I'm going to Bangkok in 6 days. All the years of hope, and pain, and heartbreak, and depression, and training, and reading...debates have shaped me in my three years in university. And all I wanted was the opportunity to compete internationally. And I am given it.

I'm not supposed to sound ungrateful. This is not like last year. This is exactly what I wanted. What I always wanted since I joined debates in my first year.

But why am I not feeling happy at all?

Toss the Feathers

As I sit here, listening to this beautiful music by the Corrs (you can find it on Youtube) while typing this entry, my mind quickly raced through the few things that happened this year.

1. This is my last year in University of Malaya. I realised that this should not have been the case. However, since I made the choice of taking a Double Major, I have to see this through. By August, I would be studying in my final semester, while my friends in the Arts and Economic Faculties would be having their convocation. Ah, well...there's always the kind people from the Law, and Education, and Medical Faculties...what have I done?

2. I have to really think about my future. What will I do after my undergraduate year is over? Continue with my Masters (eventually PhD)? Or enter the working arena? What shall I do with my life? Will I still be in touch with my friends five, or ten years from now? Or will they be a fading memory, blur faces with names that escape you beneath an album of dusty photos?

3. My 21st Birthday. My parents came all the way from JB to celebrate my birthday with me. Ah, family...got a laptop for my birthday. A pretty good one too, until some jackass stole it. Ah, woe is me...

4. I really, really sucked at bowling. On three different occasions, I have proven that I am not proficient enough in throwing a 11 pound bowling ball without it eventually ending in the longkang. I have also proven (to my detriment and great embarrassment) that said ball is, indeed, designed to murder unsuspecting friends and strangers standing behind you...

5. Debates. I believed that in this year, I have made improvements in terms of manner and matter. Maybe I have not found that style yet to attract the audience, but it will come in time, I'm sure of it. A tinge of jealousy is there (tinge might be too kind a word?), as my juniors went to debate in Bangkok, while I adjudicated. Ending this year as a debate novice.

6. A list of first times for me in 2009:
*Went to Sabah for Borneo Debates (25th February-1st March)
*Went to Bangkok for Asians BP Debate (20th-24th November)
*Watched a Midnight Movie (-Couples Retreat :( , and another midnight movie, Sherlock Holmes :D)
*First time I tasted a Secret Recipe cake. Lavania bought one for me on my 21st birthday eve. Best present I ever got. :)
*First time I won a debate competition (Intra-university Debates in 9th College, 10th-11th October). Actually, it was the first time I won anything at all...

Finally,

I fell in love with someone this year. I still am.

Happy New Year, people.

Among other things

Finally.

My exams are over. I'm supposed to be celebrating this joyous occasion, at least until the results come out. However, there are a few things bothering me at the moment.

1. My academic exercises.

Itulah, gatal sangat pergi buat dua latihan ilmiah. Yes, now I'm stuck with the problem of finishing two academic exercises. Two VERY difficult academic exercises. Let's start with history. Why, oh, why, do we have to go to the archives to do our research? Isn't the main library, or even Zaaba, enough anymore? Forgive my views, but that place is a death trap. I mean death by boredom. Seriously. The moment I get into that place, it feels that God Himself has abandoned the place to some demon that would kill you with boredom and depression. Trust me. I'm a history student who has been to the law library. I know what it means to be bored.
And East Asian studies. Tajuk pun tak ada lagi. What am I supposed to do for my academic exercise? A literary study of the Kojiki or Nihon Shoki? On Japanese culture in Malaysia? Definitely not the Look East policy. Everyone's done that. -_-"

2. Debates

Bangkok is particularly important to me. Ever since I wasn't chosen to go to Worlds in my first year, I have been trying hard to prove that I deserve to compete in an international competition of stature. Only in my third year (would be my final one if I hadn't extended my studies with that double major) do I get the chance to compete. I have nightmares, worry that for some diabolical reason, God forbid, they cancelled this trip to Bangkok and I end up a debate novice when I graduate, despite my loyalty, effort and perseverance.
I'm reading about every debate topic they could come up with under the sun (or at least covered by the NST. Sorrylah, Star people). The only thing now is to use these facts for argumentation reasons. I would have faced difficulty if not for Fikri Jr. with his extensive researches and opinions about it. Have to thank him after this. See? Who says BN and PR people can't work together? :D
Don't know who they're going to team me up with. Rebecca, Hugh, Tharish, Lavania, Shih Han, Jira...ah, I'll just wait for tomorrow to find out. Meanwhile, I have to go through the stack of newspapers tonight and prepare my fact and argument files. I'm sure that Hannah Tan picture is somewhere in there.

3. ... ... ... ...

You know what? I don't think I'll put that on my page. I'll just keep that to myself.